Who Was That?

With my 3 year old smashed into my back and my 3 month old cocooned into my stomach, I stare into the flickering light made by a dim plastic candle and wonder if I can look at my breastfeeding app yet. Has he eaten long enough? Can I  go back to sleep yet?   I'm trying my hardest not to think about the 3 hours and 9 minutes I have left until my alarm goes off. An alarm set for the first time only 3 mornings ago as in tears I talk with my husband about the 25lbs of baby weight that make it difficult for me to run.  

Motivator #1

Motivator #2

A few weeks ago a friend started a blog about her mommy journey which made me go back and read my own blog from years past. Today I can't help but wonder who that women was that got to set number of peak goals for her Saturday runs.  Runs that lasted from sun up to well past sun down. Who was this person that got to enter race lotteries and sprained her ankles on trail runs like it was cool? Who had a burrito place on speed dial for her post long run food? Whose collection of race bibs now sits in a ziplock in the closet and only gets added to once a year, for a Breastfeeding fundraiser 5k.

She seems so far away. Yet reading every single one of her blog entries, while tuning out more episodes of Dinasour Train then you should ever have to listen to, I was excited for her. I wanted to run like her. I missed her. That's when the tickle of the idea of having to be an alarm setting treadmill runner set in. I can't believe I'm actually considering waking up to run, not so I can run for 12 hours, but for 30 minutes. And on a treadmill? Horrors!!   The women who wrote those articles would have preferred to be lost running around the same block for 7 hours, on pavement, wearing running clothes that weren't cute, with only peanut butter flavered gels, before she would have ever considered any form of speed work.  

I guess these are the things that are making me realize that if I want to be a runner still I have to be a "mother runner." And deciding to set an alarm for 5:30am to run on a treadmill must be part of that journey.  

So here's to toddlers, babies, supportive husbands, and mother running. Let the miles begin!!

(BTW who knew you could watch TV on your phone while treadmill running? That other lady didn't! Seados 1 Episode 3 of Orange is the New Black here I come!!)